How to Seduce a Person with Diabetes

A friendly Valentine’s Day guide for the romantic squeezes of the pancreatically challenged.



Here’s something you might not know about people with diabetes — a lot of us are always cold. It’s a circulation thing. Or maybe a kidney thing. Possibly it’s even all in our heads. Whatever.

We’re often the ones wearing a cardigan when it’s 80 degrees out. We’re the ones who keep the flannel sheets on the bed all year long “because they’re so soft and cozy.” And we’re the ones drinking hot coffee when everyone else is throwing ice cubes and whipped cream into their caffeinated beverages.

We’re a cold-natured group. Which is where Valentine’s Day comes in.

In most parts of the country, February 14th arrives in the cold dead of winter. Which means that people with diabetes are especially cold on that day. Because if they’re cold in the summer, they’re colder in the winter when it’s actually, you know, cold outside.

Remember how the survival manuals recommend if you’re caught in the woods when the temperature drops you should get naked in your sleeping bag and cuddle up to another naked body for warmth? Yes, sharing body heat is not only fun, it’s a matter of survival.

You see where I’m going with this?
It’s Valentine’s Day.
Your favorite person with diabetes is cold.
You’re warm.
It’s science. Basic thermodynamics.
Connect the dots.

If you want to further your chances of having an extra-romantic end to your Valentine’s Day with your special someone with diabetes, here are a couple of tips:

  1. Wash your sheets. People with diabetes are prone to infections, and once infected, it takes us longer to heal.
  2. Have a festive beverage on hand, because hydration is important. Imported mineral water is nice, perhaps with a spritz of lemon or lime.
  3. Have some yummy, diabetic-friendly snacks on hand. I’m not talking about low-calorie alternatives to the honey and chocolate syrup you might be using for recreational purposes. Think more along the lines of a nice cheese plate. Some ripe strawberries. A bowl of nuts.
  4. Trim your finger and toe nails. See Tip #1.

No need to thank me, just have a good time! Happy Valentine’s Day!

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Katherine Tomlinson is a former magazine writer and editor who transitioned to online publications at the beginning of the millennium and has never looked back. She writes for sites as diverse as BellaOnline, Criminal Elements, Gourmet Food Garden, L.A. Reviews, and Horror Snark. She is the author of A Study Guide to Heart of Darkness and several short story collections, including Suicide Blonde, Toxic Reality, and Just Another Day in Paradise. She lives in Los Angeles and sees way too many movies.